If you’ve recently come out of the closet or broken-up with a long-term partner then the thought of dating can be daunting. But don’t worry; we’re on hand with some advice to get you back into the wonderful and fun world of dating. The first thing to note is – enjoy yourself! Dating shouldn’t be seen as something dull, stressful or uncomfortable. Equally, don’t go into it with an ‘end goal’ in mind. We know, that’s harder than it may seem, we all want to meet Prince Charming and get married. The key though, is to take each day date as it comes. Open mindedness is key.
Dating for gay men isn’t any different than dating for anyone else. So, if you’ve recently come out as gay but were previously married or in a long-term heterosexual relationship – relax! There aren’t any secrets to it. It is true that there are often pre-conceived behaviors that men and women differ on when it comes to dating. With dating and standard behaviors there definitely is not a ‘one size fits all’ approach. But, these tips should help you to succeed in the dating game.
1. Play it cool and lay off the pressure
This is the first tip when it comes to dating. A lot easier said than done, we know. But seriously, when you’re in the early stages of dating, be cool. Guys tend to flee from neediness and insecurity. It isn’t a turn-on if you’re texting him like mad or constantly asking him when you can next meet up. Focus on tangible things in your life like work and family. You’ll be a lot more attractive to him if you don’t put pressure on him and are generally fun to be around. Don’t start wondering where things are going or what the future holds if you’ve only recently met. Enjoy spending time together and the excitement of the unknown.
2. Don’t ask the cliché questions – stand out
If you’re dating then he is too! So, don’t start with the cliché questions like ‘what music do you like’ or ‘what’s your favourite cuisine’ – he might have heard them on a first date last week, or even the previous night for all you know. Be a little different and have a few questions up your sleeve to really get him thinking and engaging with you. Think about the more interesting topics. Ask him about his earliest childhood memory and why he thinks that still stands out for him today. Or, try finding out what really matters to him by asking him who is biggest inspiration in life is. It might sound cheesy but you’ll pretty quickly start to find out about him and he’ll probably enjoy sharing things like that too.
3. Don’t give too much away too soon
In a similar line of thought to the ‘play it cool’ advice earlier, don’t give too much away too soon. I’m not saying you should lie or hide things. Just don’t tell him everything about you. An air of mystery is much more appealing than an open book. Cliff-hangers encourage readers to continue reading. In a similar way, dating can be the same. Secure that second or third date by being slightly coy and holding something back. Encourage him to want to find out more about you.
4. Be yourself
The worst thing you can do is try and imitate someone else or pretend to be an alternative version of yourself. That’s not to say you should spill all of your bad habits on a first date (that isn’t wise and hopefully goes without saying). What we are saying is that you should be totally honest while putting your best foot forward. Dress to impress, be polite and charming but above all else, be yourself. Don’t be fake or pretend to be someone you’re not. Just like writing a CV. You wouldn’t lie or put reasons for being fired on a CV or job application. You would however add the more impressive attributes you hold and that’s just what you should do on a date. Be yourself but your best self. Nobody else. If he ends up falling for you and you’ve been insincere then the future doesn’t bode well.
5. Be confident
This is my favourite thing in a man – perhaps that says too much about me. Seriously though, confidence is one of the most appealing things. Don’t be arrogant or rude. Be confident. Easier said than done but try this the next time you’re nervous about meeting a man for the first time. Remember that you have absolutely nothing to lose. Be confident in yourself because you’re unique and fantastic. We all are and there is someone out there for all of us. If your next date can’t see it then you’ve lost nothing. We all have our strengths and weaknesses. Just focus on enjoying the date, being proud of your accomplishments and being proud of who you are. Confidence is extremely sexy.
And that’s it. Five top tips for dating. Now all that’s left to do is line up a date or two. If you haven’t already – sign up to The Omyx Club to start meeting like-minded gay men in your city today.